{"id":76067,"date":"2024-04-19T08:34:29","date_gmt":"2024-04-19T06:34:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/visualjournalism.de\/?post_type=magazin&p=76067"},"modified":"2026-10-09T11:55:34","modified_gmt":"2026-10-09T09:55:34","slug":"leaving-the-church-maybe-this-isnt-the-right-place-for-you","status":"publish","type":"magazin","link":"https:\/\/visualjournalism.de\/en\/magazine\/power-and-control\/leaving-the-church-maybe-this-isnt-the-right-place-for-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Leaving the church: \u2018Maybe this isn\u2019t the right place for you\u2019"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n
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\n\tPower and control<\/a><\/div>\r\n

\r\n Leaving the church: \u2018Maybe this isn\u2019t the right place for you\u2019 <\/h2>\r\n\r\n
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The congregation once ruled every part of her life. Two years ago our author turned her back on it \u2013 and today she sees more clearly.
\nBy Noemi Ehrat<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n <\/div>\r\n \r\n

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I have spent a large part of my life in churches. <\/strong>On Sundays (and other days) I sat for hours on wooden pews and plastic chairs in free churches, regional churches and village churches. Growing up in a Protestant Reformed family, church services were as much a part of everyday life as brushing my teeth. These churches often had little in common and stood for different theologies. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And yet they shared the same foundation: belief in one God and his Son, and in the idea that women had \u2018different tasks\u2019 from men. That sex outside marriage was a sin \u2013 as were masturbation and pornography (although that supposedly didn\u2019t concern women), and homosexuality in any case, which needed to be cured with therapy. That you should turn the other cheek and obey your parents. And \u2018sinful\u2019 didn\u2019t mean \u2018not so cool\u2019; it meant you were putting yourself forward as a candidate for hell and eternal fire. What\u2019s more, all the churches demanded either the tithe \u2013 a tenth of your wages \u2013 or other donations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For me, that was normal. As a child and a teenager, I knew nothing else. Only much later \u2013 most recently in a conversation with my brother \u2013 did I notice other things these houses of God had in common: not being able to breathe, feeling hemmed in, the panic attacks, the suppressed anger, the shame, the guilt, the musty smell, the unease. And with it the self-doubt: if this teaching and way of life is so right, how can you feel so bad in it? For a long time I avoided this oppressive feeling, but when I enter a church building today, or happen to run into someone from one of those congregations, it comes back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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For a long time I secretly listened<\/strong> \u2013 with a guilty conscience \u2013 to bands like Linkin Park, or read books like \u2018Dracula\u2019, because many people considered them \u2018devilish\u2019.<\/p>\n <\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n

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\n\n \"\"\n\n St. Jakob Church, Zurich<\/span>\n \n \n <\/figure>\n\n <\/div> \n\n\n \n\n \n \n\n
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\n\n \"\"\n\n Bethlehem Church, Hannover<\/span>\n \n \n <\/figure>\n\n <\/div> \n\n\n \n\n \n \n\n
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\n\n \"\"\n\n Fraum\u00fcnster, Zurich<\/span>\n \n \n <\/figure>\n\n <\/div> \n\n\n \n\n \n<\/div>\n\n\n

Then I remember being told I was \u2018too critical\u2019.<\/strong> \u2018Maybe this isn\u2019t the right place for you,\u2019 they said. The criticism I voiced barely shook the prevailing system. And yet it seemed to be too much. At a youth camp run by the congregation, for example, we were called on after the sermon to pray specifically for the men. Women, we were told, had different \u2013 that is, less responsible \u2013 tasks. \u2018Of course, that doesn\u2019t mean they are any less important.\u2019 By then I had already come across feminist literature, so this statement contradicted my budding understanding of equality. No one else seemed bothered by it, and my reaction was put down to my strained relationship with my father at the time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So I was always made to feel that I was living and thinking \u2018wrongly\u2019. For a long time I secretly listened \u2013 with a guilty conscience \u2013 to bands like Linkin Park, or read books like \u2018Dracula\u2019, because many people considered them \u2018devilish\u2019. Prohibition, as we know, often makes things more tempting, and today I am glad that back then, in my teenage bedroom, I gave in to these \u2018earthly\u2019 \u2013 that is, reprehensible \u2013 impulses. Paradoxically, I still saw myself as part of the congregation at the time; I wanted to belong and defended the faith with conviction. Being told I didn\u2019t belong turned out, in hindsight, to be a blessing: the fact that some people apparently didn\u2019t see me as part of the Christian community helped me, eventually, to see myself as an independent person who exists separately from the community of faith. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Christian symbolism, with its apples, serpents and crosses, followed me all the way to my literature degree. Biblical symbols such as the archangels Gabriel and Michael, who are dead \u2013 metaphorically and literally \u2013 in James Joyce\u2019s \u2018The Dead\u2019, are just that: symbols. But in the faith I grew up with, people interpreted their lives literally according to such metaphors \u2013 the devil and his demons were real to me, and a line was drawn between \u2018us\u2019 and \u2018the world\u2019. Despite constant professions of neighbourly love, Christian thinking seems to me more black and white than finely shaded. Absurd as it may sound today, this constant interpretation of everything symbolic also made me aware of how intrinsically Christian symbolism is bound up with Western society and culture. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Christian symbolism<\/strong>, with its apples, serpents and crosses, followed me all the way to my literature degree.<\/p>\n <\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n

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\n\n \"\"\n\n Church of St. Peter and Paul, Zurich<\/span>\n \n \n <\/figure>\n\n <\/div> \n\n\n \n\n \n<\/div>\n\n\n

Of course, it would be tempting<\/strong> to dismiss my experiences as an extreme isolated case, which perhaps they are. And yet they show how the church still shapes and controls many people\u2019s lives today. The Bible says that a woman is subject to her husband, that women should keep silent in church, that fornication and immorality are to be avoided. This is what makes it possible for young people today to grow up as if the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 70s had never happened, familiar with a world view that is much closer to the gender roles of the 1950s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On top of that comes the church\u2019s omnipotence \u2013 at least as it is perceived \u2013 which extends beyond the building. The precise notion of good and evil that leads you to see yourself first and foremost as flawed, a sinner. That everything good comes from God and everything bad from human beings. That you live in constant fear of wrong decisions and temptations and their consequences, both on earth and one day before the Last Judgement.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Being told I didn\u2019t belong<\/strong> turned out, in hindsight, to be a blessing.<\/p>\n <\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n

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\n\n \"\"\n\n St. Benno, Hannover<\/span>\n \n \n <\/figure>\n\n <\/div> \n\n\n \n\n \n \n\n
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„Das Leiden<\/strong> muss getragen werden, damit es vor\u00fcbergeht.“<\/p>\n

Dietrich Bonhoeffer, 1906-1945<\/p>\n<\/figcaption>\n \n <\/figure>\n\n <\/div> \n\n\n \n\n \n<\/div>\n\n

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\n \"\"\n \n St. Jakob, Zurich<\/span>\n <\/div>\n\n \n <\/figure>\n\n\n\n\n

And even non-religious people cannot escape the church entirely<\/strong>: quite apart from the Christian holidays and the Christian calendar, in many places the church tower is still the highest point. Enter any church \u2013 no matter where or of which denomination \u2013 and there will be certain structures and symbols of power. Be it the font, the pews, the pulpit or just a microphone for the pastor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This shows that the church is still recognised by the state and accepted by society. In Switzerland, 36 per cent of the population still belong to the Roman Catholic Church and 24 per cent to the Protestant Reformed Church; in Germany the figures are as high as 44.6 and 34.7 per cent respectively. That doesn\u2019t mean all these people believe in Sodom and Gomorrah or are homophobic. But through their membership they legitimise the continuing structures, which still rest on a book written hundreds of years ago.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a sense, the church is still omnipresent, even if perhaps no longer omnipotent. At least you can leave it. That will be 30 euros, please.
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Related to this story<\/h2>\n\n \n <\/div>\n\n \n\n\n\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
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\r\n Behind the walls of the Rosicrucians <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
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The spiritual community \u2018International School of the Golden Rosycross\u2019 is regarded as a sect. What ideals do its members pursue?<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

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Between the stage and spells: how a young woman draws new strength from magic and community.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

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\r\n Seven days of silence: a self-experiment in a silent retreat <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
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A week without a single word: what it feels like to fall completely silent \u2013 and where your own limits lie.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

\r\n \"Reddish\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/a>\r\n\r\n <\/article>\r\n\r\n \r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Recommended by the editors<\/h2>\n\n \n <\/div>\n\n \n\n\n\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
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\r\n\r\n After dark<\/span>\r\n

\r\n Sleeping better: sleep researcher Thomas Penzel\u2019s rules <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
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Good sleep starts long before bedtime. An expert explains what really matters for a restful night.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

\r\n \"\"\r\n\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/a>\r\n\r\n <\/article>\r\n\r\n \r\n
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\r\n The image of women \u2013 who actually decides? <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
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An interview with photographer and author Franziska Gilli about being a woman in Italy.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

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Lando Hass visits a research project in the Central African Republic that could make a decisive contribution to preventing the emergence of epidemics.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

\r\n \"\"\r\n\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/a>\r\n\r\n <\/article>\r\n\r\n \r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\n\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
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\r\n\r\n Collecting<\/span>\r\n

\r\n The library of rescued East German books <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
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How a pastor in Lower Saxony saved thousands of East German books from destruction \u2013 and why one of them gave space research a crucial lead.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

\r\n \"\"\r\n\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/a>\r\n\r\n <\/article>\r\n\r\n \r\n
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\r\n\r\n Work<\/span>\r\n

\r\n Taking a break \u2013 out of sight <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
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In the back room, in the warehouse, on crates in the back yard: breaks are part of the working day \u2013 and often happen out of sight. Quiet, unremarkable, indispensable.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

\r\n \"\"\r\n\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/a>\r\n\r\n <\/article>\r\n\r\n \r\n
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\r\n\r\n Award winners<\/span>\r\n

\r\n Dreamed for us <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
\r\n

Markus Heft portrays older queer people in Germany. Since 2022, he has been creating intimate portraits collaboratively, complemented by still lifes and places. The project preserves queer history and makes visible the double marginalisation of old age.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

\r\n \"\"\r\n\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/a>\r\n\r\n <\/article>\r\n\r\n \r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\n\n\n
\n TO THE MAGAZINE HOMEPAGE<\/a>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":49,"featured_media":34053,"template":"","tags":[331,422],"magazinkategorie":[418],"class_list":["post-76067","magazin","type-magazin","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-photo-series-en","tag-religion-spirituality","magazinkategorie-power-and-control"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nLeaving the church: a life after faith<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The congregation once ruled every part of her life. 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