{"id":76401,"date":"2023-07-01T12:05:35","date_gmt":"2023-07-01T10:05:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/visualjournalism.de\/?post_type=magazin&p=76401"},"modified":"2026-10-09T11:56:15","modified_gmt":"2026-10-09T09:56:15","slug":"no-mum-and-dad-im-not-going-to-be-a-doctor","status":"publish","type":"magazin","link":"https:\/\/visualjournalism.de\/en\/magazine\/ideals\/no-mum-and-dad-im-not-going-to-be-a-doctor\/","title":{"rendered":"No, Mum and Dad, I\u2019m not going to be a doctor!"},"content":{"rendered":"\r\n
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\n\tIdeals<\/a><\/div>\r\n

\r\n No, Mum and Dad, I\u2019m not going to be a doctor! <\/h2>\r\n\r\n
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When parents project their own ideals onto their children. A conversation with the author Ulrike Bartholom\u00e4us. By Kaja Gerdes<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n <\/div>\r\n \r\n

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\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n \"\"\r\n\r\n\r\n <\/a>\r\n \r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n \r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n \r\n
\r\n \"Ulrike\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n Photo: Laurence Chaperon <\/span>\r\n \r\n \r\n<\/div>\r\n\r\n\n\n\n

Our parents influence us all our lives. They shape us from birth.<\/strong> At first they show us the world, and to begin with we experience it only as our parents present it to us. Only gradually do we get to know more than just our parents\u2019 world. <\/a>In the process we develop our own values and ideas, which sometimes differ from theirs. The science journalist Ulrike Bartholom\u00e4us<\/a> knows why this leads to conflict. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Why do parents have particular ideas about their children\u2019s lives, and why does this lead to conflict<\/a>?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n

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Parents\u2019 wishes and expectations can sometimes be greater than their capacity for tolerance. Whether there is conflict or not depends on how far they can let go of their own ideals. Parents usually want their children to do something \u2018sensible\u2019. They want a secure career for them. Conflict can arise when security plays a big role in their value system, or when they try to transfer their own unfulfilled wishes and dreams onto their children.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

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What happens when parents try to squeeze their children into an ideal they have made up?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n

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Family expectations fundamentally shape our development. This pressure influences us from the start. Family expectations can also act as an invisible engine. If they are so unattainable, setbacks create even more pressure. And if, as a young adult, you are not yet very secure in your own position, it is harder to take a stand.<\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\r\n \r\n \r\n

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Parents\u2019 wishes and expectations can sometimes be greater than their capacity for tolerance.<\/p>\n <\/blockquote>\r\n\r\n

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What can parents do to avoid putting their children under pressure?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n

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It depends very much on how far parents notice that they are exerting pressure \u2013 often it is unconscious \u2013 and whether they can question their own ideals. Many parents do not see their expectations as pressure, because they themselves are not on the receiving end. Parents usually only want the best, but the constant stress placed on children is counterproductive. Pressure poisons the learning atmosphere and the social environment, and this limits children\u2019s own development. Parents often have fears, which they pass on to their children in the form of control. Anxious parents produce anxious children. <\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

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How should parents deal with mistakes?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n

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Parents should learn to deal with failure. I can only learn to make good decisions if I sometimes make bad ones too. When a conversation takes place on an equal footing, sensible solutions can be found. A calm, factual conversation respects the children\u2019s point of view, while openness and security ensure a secure relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n

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Related to this story<\/h2>\n\n \n <\/div>\n\n \n\n\n\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
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\r\n\r\n Traces<\/span>\r\n

\r\n \u2018Bend a tree while it is young\u2019 <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
\r\n

Burcu, 26, on her background, expectations and what it means to shape your own life.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

\r\n \"\"\r\n\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/a>\r\n\r\n <\/article>\r\n\r\n \r\n
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\r\n\r\n Ideals<\/span>\r\n

\r\n Success without studying? <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
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What an upbringing without authority is like.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

\r\n \"\"\r\n\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/a>\r\n\r\n <\/article>\r\n\r\n \r\n
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\r\n\r\n Silence<\/span>\r\n

\r\n Toxic silence: when silence becomes torture <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
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No word, no explanation, no look: how deliberately ignoring someone hurts \u2013 and leaves its mark on many people from childhood.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

\r\n \"A\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/a>\r\n\r\n <\/article>\r\n\r\n \r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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\n<\/div>\n\n\n
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Recommended by the editors<\/h2>\n\n \n <\/div>\n\n \n\n\n\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
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\r\n\r\n Water<\/span>\r\n

\r\n New shores: floating islands between art and ecology <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
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Floating platforms like the \u2018Zukunst\u2019 in Hannover create green open spaces \u2013 a concept that is catching on around the world.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

\r\n \"A\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/a>\r\n\r\n <\/article>\r\n\r\n \r\n
\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n
\r\n\r\n Advice<\/span>\r\n

\r\n Losing motivation in a creative job: how to get your enthusiasm for work back. <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
\r\n

Even people who turn their passion into a profession know what it is like to lose motivation. We show you why joy can turn into a chore \u2013 and the concrete steps that will help you win back your enthusiasm.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

\r\n \"\"\r\n\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/a>\r\n\r\n <\/article>\r\n\r\n \r\n
\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n
\r\n\r\n After dark<\/span>\r\n

\r\n \u2018You have to make your boundaries clear\u2019 <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
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During the week Selma works at a nursery; at weekends she works the door of a club. On respect, safety and standing your ground as a woman in nightlife.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

\r\n \"\"\r\n\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/a>\r\n\r\n <\/article>\r\n\r\n \r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\n\n\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n
\r\n\r\n \r\n
\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n
\r\n\r\n Collecting<\/span>\r\n

\r\n The architecture of the data trade <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
\r\n

Few systems are as invisible \u2013 and at the same time as far-reaching \u2013 as the trade in user data. What we click on, search for or visit becomes a signal in a global market that sorts people into categories and targets information at them.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

\r\n \"A\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/a>\r\n\r\n <\/article>\r\n\r\n \r\n
\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n
\r\n\r\n Power and control<\/span>\r\n

\r\n Leaving the church: \u2018Maybe this isn\u2019t the right place for you\u2019 <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
\r\n

The congregation once ruled every part of her life. Two years ago our author turned her back on it \u2013 and today she sees more clearly.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

\r\n \"Black-and-white\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/a>\r\n\r\n <\/article>\r\n\r\n \r\n
\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\n
\r\n\r\n Ideals<\/span>\r\n

\r\n All too human <\/h3>\r\n\r\n
\r\n

Hunting divides opinion: some see it as necessary to stabilise damaged ecosystems. For others, hunting is only about trophies.<\/p>\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\r\n \r\n

\r\n \"Stuffed\r\n <\/figure>\r\n\r\n \r\n \r\n <\/a>\r\n\r\n <\/article>\r\n\r\n \r\n <\/div>\r\n\r\n\n\n\n
\n TO THE MAGAZINE HOMEPAGE<\/a>\n <\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":26186,"template":"","tags":[371,398],"magazinkategorie":[416],"class_list":["post-76401","magazin","type-magazin","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-familie-beziehungen-en","tag-youth","magazinkategorie-ideals"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nIdeals in the family: No, Mum and Dad, I\u2019m not going to be a doctor!<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When parents project their own wishes onto their children. 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