‘Bend a tree while it is young’
Burcu, 26, on her background, expectations and what it means to shape your own life.
By Deliah El-Chehade, Armina Ahmadinia, Eyad Abou Kasem (video), Paul Hartinger (text)
English subtitles: switch them on manually with the CC button in the video player.
The alarm goes off, and Burcu hits snooze. Just five more minutes. Then she drags herself out of bed – reluctantly. The day begins and, as so often, she realises: growing up is anything but easy. For Burcu it feels like a book without an instruction manual. You just have to get on with it. ‘There’s no other way,’ she says with a shrug.
Much was easier in her childhood. Despite being responsible for four children, her mother was always there for her and took many challenges off Burcu’s hands. But when she moved into a shared flat in Osnabrück, everything changed. Suddenly there was no one to remind her about tidiness and routines. Instead: self-reliance. She discovered freedom – and the pitfalls that come with it. Binge-watching the Netflix series Squid Game undisturbed, for example, without anyone objecting. But Burcu learned quickly: freedom brings responsibility too.
Photo: Armina Ahmadinia
Bend a tree while it is young.
A Turkish proverb has stayed with her since her teens: ‘Bend a tree while it is young.’ For Burcu, it sums up growing up perfectly. Every decision, she is convinced, shapes later life. To keep on top of things, she has created rituals for herself: a small notebook helps her organise her daily tasks. It doesn’t always go perfectly, but it gives her structure. She needs this discipline to manage her double bachelor’s degree in Islamic theology and education.
When the day has been long and tiring, she unwinds with a romance novel – as long as it has a happy ending. Or she meets friends and Muslim communities that give her a sense of home and family.
Burcu first truly felt like an adult four years ago. She was moving house – for the fifth time in her life. This time she wanted to manage on her own, without being a burden to anyone. But it was harder than she thought. When the boxes weren’t packed as planned and the furniture wasn’t assembled the way she wanted, the day became a real test. In the past her mother would have helped her at moments like this. Burcu was overwhelmed – and cried. But giving up was not an option. In the end, exhausted but content, she stood in her new flat, filled with pride: she had done it – all by herself.
Burcu’s story shows that growing up means making mistakes, learning from them and carrying on despite setbacks. What she has learned: it isn’t always easy, but every small step brings her closer to herself.
